Around the World in 80 Days (2004)

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Around the World in 80 Days (2004)

A feast of family fun, Jackie Chan finally delivers the wholesome US blockbuster he was destined to make. This is an all-round romp and multi-million dollar project that may not exactly hit the nail on the head, but certainly comes close.

Chan worms his way into Jules Verne’s novel by way of a stolen Buddha statuette nabbed from the Bank of England at the turn of the century, and utilises Philleas Fogg’s wager of a circumnavigation of the globe in 80 days as a rues to escape the local bobbies.

Clearly not an adaptation in the classical sense, Steve Coogan’s faultless portrayal …

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Haywire (2011)

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Haywire (2011)

Soderbergh brings his A game to exploitation cinema, using the martial art genre’s most prevalent, post-modern vice: the femme fatale. Cage fighter Gina Carano lands a blessed debut vehicle with the full support of Soderbergh’s star-studded cast (Douglas as a stoic governmental suit; McGregor as the chair of a US private hire assassins’ corp; Banderas a Spanish ringleader; Fassbender a deadly hitman), but the attractions are mere shrapnel to Carano’s explosive, head-crunching physicality. Playing ex-Marine Mallory Kane, she is a highly skilled, fist-fighting operative forced to clear her name when a top-secret assignment to rescue a kidnapped Chinese dissident turns …

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Army of One (1993)

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Army of One (1993)

Lundgren is wrongfully accused of murder and sent to prison, framed for killing a cop in cold blood. Before his incarceration, he escapes and hotfoots around the mid-west trying to clear his name. Alfonso, playing a sexy Sheriff with kung fu capabilities (apparently), is kidnapped and taken along for the ride, accompanying their journey with extended shower scenes. Armstrong creates a great sense of adventure but the script is sloppy, the performances broad and the filmmaking too ham-fisted to be taken seriously. The John Woo inspired gun fights are also quite tiring.

AKA: Joshua Tree

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Armour of God II: Operation Condor (1991)

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Armour of God II: Operation Condor (1991)

Conceived as a sequel to Jackie Chan’s most successful picture, this flies off to Spain and quickly hotfoots to the Sahara in pursuit of a secret stash of WW2 treasure. As gadget whiz Asian Hawk, Jackie is assisted in his troubles by three airheads recruited to attract crucial overseas markets: a Chinese historian (Cheng), a German heiress (Coba) and a Japanese ethnologist (Ikeda).

The set pieces are as spectacular as you would expect (a neat homage to Buster Keaton’s Steamboat Bill, Jr. pitting Jackie, Vincent Lyn and Ken Lo against each other in a wind tunnel, plus a corker of a …

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Armour of God (1986)

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Armour of God (1986)

Not quite the rollicking thrill-ride of Jackie Chan’s other 1980s adventures, this is the weakest of his self-directed pictures with continuity errors, a disjointed narrative, stretched comedy routines and, most shockingly of all, a lack of action. The fact that Jackie suffered a fractured skull after a stunt went horribly wrong early in production is clearly a contributing factor, troubling the rest of the film and giving the finished product an uneven feel. The shocking, almost fatal accident can be seen during the outtakes. Filmed mostly in Europe, Jackie is the ‘Asian Hawk’, a Chinese Indiana Jones complete with gadgets …

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Angel of Fury (1993)

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Angel of Fury (1993)

A derelict action film made in Indonesia, this is a few sandwiches short of a picnic – a barely conceivable hodgepodge that even threatens to jeopardise the charms of its leading lady, who is also the movie’s only redeeming feature. Rothrock looks fetching in a line of skimpy frocks, administering pain in knee-high boots and an array of varying hairstyles. Billy Drago has a stupendous time as a Alan Rickman-esque floppy-haired crook who rapes our leading lady and slays her soccer playing hubby in a relentless, tedious pursuit of some priceless diamonds in Cynthia’s possession. The diamonds are safeguarded in …

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And Now You’re Dead (1998)

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And Now You’re Dead (1998)

This overbearing action movie is maybe too reckless for its own good. Shannon Lee, daughter of Bruce, isn’t much of a catch to sustain the enthusiasm, resorting to pale imitations of her father and highlighting the film’s more exploitative aspects, with most of the movie handed over to the cool Michael Wong who leads with adequate aplomb. The story of a gang of aspiring young thieves travelling to Prague to pocket a priceless jewel is handled like a Die Hard imitation with plenty of explosions, gun fights and kung fu, but everything comes unstuck when sub-plots meander into misguided comedy …

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American Ninja 3: Blood Hunt (1989)

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American Ninja 3: Blood Hunt (1989)

No Dudikoff this time around, his boots are uncomfortably filled by debuting ninja Bradley, whereas James seems to have pointlessly reappeared, albeit playing a less prominent role. The story sucks, so nothing new there. Biological research criminals seek master ninja Bradley to protect their bustling network of narcotics. Throw in a revenge sub-plot and some touch-us-and-we-die ninja and we’ve got a run of the mill sequel on our hands. Not nearly as good as the previous two and that’s really saying something.

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American Ninja 2: The Confrontation (1987)

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American Ninja 2: The Confrontation (1987)

On a distant Caribbean island, corrupt local enforcers are kidnapping newly transferred US marines and using them to create a cult of genetically modified super ninja, masterminded by a textbook millionaire villain moonlighting in the drug trade. It’s a good job the new recruits to the island are Joe Armstrong (Dudikoff) and Curtis Jackson (James), hard-hitting army boys with PhDs in Pain and becoming slightly used to this kind of thing. The whole affair is a charade: comic-book action which retains a certain charm and good nature despite its B movie faults. The returning duo work well: Dudikoff plays it …

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American Ninja (1985)

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American Ninja (1985)

GI Joe (Dudikoff) is the new boy on campus, a silent recruit fresh to the forces with an amnesiac mind and smart ninja skills. His fighting capabilities lead to respect from his buddies within the institute, and soon he is putting his skills to great use when corrupt generals and their hoards of ninja bodyguards collaborate on a racket to ship stolen weapons into South America. The normal rituals ensue: he gets it on with the general’s daughter and makes friends with macho buddy Jackson (James), and together they shoot, smash and stab their way to justice. But this is …

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