Ninja Wars (1982)

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Ninja Wars (1982)

Mad jidaigeki from the Sonny Chiba school of crazy. Evil Lord Donjo (Akira Nakao) is visited by a creepy floating soothsayer and told he will control the world if he wins the heart of the Shogun’s daughter. He enlists the help of five ‘devil monks’, each possessing bizarre supernatural skills, to kidnap the girl from the loving arms of young ninja Jotaro (Sanada). The assassination squad use slightly unorthodox combating techniques, like the mastery of a boomerang sithe and a gross projectile vomiting trick which douses unsuspecting adversaries in a highly corrosive yellow gunge. Just when you think the film …

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Legendary Weapons of China (1982)

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Legendary Weapons of China (1982)

Another righteous morality tale from the Lau family. Here, reckless youth fail to adhere to their forefathers and unscrupulous governments threatened by inadequacy take desperate measures to combat the new world order.

Boxer Rebellion, China: black magic is considered the only defence against the force of foreign artillery. A trio of brainwashed and deeply committal spiritual boxers (one of which tears off his own penis as a sign of his unwavering loyalty) follow governmental decree and vow to hunt out and kill the legendary traitor Lui Gung – former head of the Black Magic Unit and master of all 18 weapons of …

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The Big Boss (1971)

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The Big Boss (1971)

In Bruce Lee’s starring role debut he plays Cheng Chao-an, a country bumpkin sent to Thailand with his uncle to visit his cousins who work at the local ice factory. When drugs are discovered in one of the ice blocks, the finders (two of Cheng’s cousins) go missing and Cheng is quick to investigate. The big boss of the factory is soon discovered to be a part time hustler as more cousins start turning up in ice blocks with various body parts removed. Cheng is forced to break his celibacy of violence and confront the evil doers in a blood …

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Enter the Dragon (1973)

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Enter the Dragon (1973)

The one that started it all. Robert Clouse’s action classic is the kung fu movie that even people who don’t like kung fu movies have seen. The now legendary Bruce Lee vehicle turned the 32 year old martial artist into an international superstar, only for him to die six days before its release.

Devised as a formulaic James Bond style spy movie with lashings of martial arts mayhem, the story concerns Shaolin monk Lee (Bruce) who is sent undercover by British intelligence to infiltrate the deadly island of Han (Shek Kin) – a reclusive, one-handed drug trafficking meanie who holds a …

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Kill Bill: Vol. 2 (2004)

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Kill Bill: Vol. 2 (2004)

Despite the fact Kill Bill was originally devised as one complete film, there are still distinctive differences between the two parts of Quentin Tarantino’s kung fu/Samurai opus. If Vol. 1 was the eastern, Vol. 2 is the western. Dusty, desert locales fuse with more trademark Tarantino dialogue and pop culture references as the full story of the ‘Bride’ (Thurman) is unveiled. The remaining victims scrawled on the Bride’s Deadly Viper Death List awaiting execution include retired hick Budd (Madsen) and Samurai executioner Elle (Hannah), not to mention the man behind it all, the titular Bill (a great turn from Carradine). …

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Kill Bill: Vol. 1 (2003)

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Kill Bill: Vol. 1 (2003)

The initial reaction to Kill Bill was harsh. Tarantino’s fourth film after a six year hiatus was bound to face scrutiny, especially one which shows such an extravagant disregard for what many of his fans were expecting. Kill Bill is a strange hybrid of gangster film, black comedy, Samurai-slasher and kung fu revenge – a big, bloody epic spread over two volumes. The Times labelled it a “geek’s wet dream” proclaiming it to be his most “adolescent” film.

True, much of the film’s content has been lifted from hours spent in grindhouse theatres with obvious references to Game of Death, Lone …

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The Little Dragons (1979)

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The Little Dragons (1979)

Light family film which hits the snooze button quite early on in terms of action and suspense, with the only real excitement arriving 10 minutes from the end. The central slapstick premise of a group of prepubescent karate kids on a rescue mission predates the 3 Ninjas films by some considerable margin, although this film is Ritalin by comparison. The strengths rest in a few good gags and a woozy, knockabout abandon which suits the film well. Veteran character actor Charles Lane plays the detached but doting grandfather to foulmouthed karate kids Woody and Zac (played by real-life brothers Chris …

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Battle Creek Brawl (1980)

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Battle Creek Brawl (1980)

Following the huge success of The Young Master, Raymond Chow repackages a young Jackie Chan for the American market with this slaphappy concoction which dangerously backfires. The film bombed horribly, despite the best efforts of the team behind Enter the Dragon (director Clouse, producer Weintraub and a music score from Lalo Schifrin). The reasons are plain to see: Chan is straitjacketed by the restrictions of western fight choreography, and although the comic set-pieces are delivered with reasonable panache, the execution is jagged. A diabolical story doesn’t help. Set in 1930s Texas, Chan plays flamboyant immigrant Jerry Kwan, part Bruce Lee …

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Hapkido (1972)

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Hapkido (1972)

A seminal kung fu movie moment, not just for the financial prospects of Raymond Chow’s fledgling Golden Harvest but also thematically. Although Angela Mao may have been following the precedence set by King Hu’s wuxia heroines (Cheng Pei-pei, Polly Shang Kwan, Hsu Feng), in hindsight it’s hard not to see the gender politics of Hapkido as something of a trailblazer. She plays a female Bruce Lee in essentially a rehash of Fist of Fury. Most of the cast return in strangely similar roles and some scenes are almost identical: Paul Wei’s offering of an insulting sign; a finale pitting empty-handed Chinese …

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Universal Soldier: The Return (1999)

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Universal Soldier: The Return (1999)

Van Damme revisits the scene of his most popular picture in a last chance attempt to rekindle the same magic. This would prove to be his last theatrical release for a number of years, and the result is disappointing: cheap, clichéd and, although action packed, void of any genuine excitement. The patchwork story moves at breakneck speeds for short attention spans. Regenerated cyborg hero Luc returns in the even-more-distant future as the head of a Unisol plantation monitored by a master computer. Acquiring human form, S.E.T.H. (White) is a superior intellect and mighty fighter with intentions on world domination. But …

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